Monday, April 30, 2012

When You Meet the one Who's Not the One

Anyone who's heard even a small part of "Christian dating" philosophy has heard of "the One." And even in non-Christian places, belief in "The One"-that one special person who matches you so well-seems to still live in people's hearts. I know that many people reading this have a deep desire to honor God and their future spouse by how they live their lives when it comes to romantic feelings and relationships. But often the hardest part is not avoiding the mediocre people and relationships, but withstanding the temptation to love the "perfect" ones-the people who seem to be exactly what you are looking for. Although it may seem impossible, it can be done-with God's grace.

The Impossible Ones
I am moving to Texas in just two months-prohibiting any romantic possibilities (if I desired them!), but this probably is not your situation. But sometimes it just doesn't work out. Maybe it's long-distance. Maybe there are just some small (or not so small) things about the person that you don't like. Maybe you're only 13! But for some reason, you still feel yourself becoming attracted to them! It doesn't mean that in the future you're not destined for each other, but it just means that it's not going to work right now. I'd recommend doing several things to impede these feelings from penetrating deeply.

1. Pray
It's not an uncommon prayer; "Lord, please take these feelings from me!" Some people prefer to say "Unless it's your will Lord, etc..." it's of course not wrong to pray this, but it puts us in the dangerous position of assuming that if we continue to have feelings for this person, then it's God's will that they are meant for us. If we are sincere, and press on, God will do what we ask.

2. Guard Your Thought Life
Paul tells us to "Take every thought captive." Our thoughts often fuel romantic attachments, and although it's not wrong to let the person cross our minds, it's dangerous to let thoughts of them linger. We have to make sure that we are no fantasizing or even letting them stay in our thoughts for too long.

3. Press Yourself Deeper Into God
Every time you feel yourself thinking about the person romantically (or just too much), or feeling a wave of longing (for the person or just for romance), let that longing enhance your relationship with God. Pray. Read the Bible. Dwell on His love, His majesty, His power. Delight in Him! He is the most beautiful thing, not any other person.

Those Already Taken
Satan sometimes attracts us to those who are already in a relationship (courtship). This is a dangerous lie, and even though it seems as if it won't happen to us, I warn that it may. I'd recommend taking the three steps above and steering yourself as far away from these feelings as you can.

The One?
Even though this post is about if you find the one who's not the One, there may sometimes be a possibility of the one you find yourself being pulled towards being the one. But still, I would recommend working through the three steps and waiting for God to show you if your feelings are pointing you in the right direction. God bless you in this area of your life!